Contemplating Star Stuff

Ethan's Birth Story

2011-06-05T11:52:00.002+01:00

On the 1st of June, DS1 woke up around 4am in the morning and I got up to get him back to sleep. I was 11 days overdue and the next day I was supposed to visit the hospital for a sweep and to book induction...of course, I was not looking forward to any of that. However as I went back to bed I noticed that, yet again, I was feeling crampy. Out of no where, I had an urge to squat...so I squatted on the floor for a few minutes, wondering where the strange urge came from and if it'd help get baby here any sooner. After I got up I sat leaning forward on the bed for a few minutes and noticed I felt even more crampy. I figured it was probably nothing since I'd had crampiness on and off for weeks. So I climbed back into bed and as I did so felt a contraction. I didn't think much of that either as I'd had some earlier in the evening that just disappeared after an hour. I decided to sit for a few minutes and see what happened but felt I'd just be laying down and going back to sleep disappointed.

Except, five minutes later there was another one...and then another five minutes after that...and another...

Not wanting to disturb DH at 5am when he had to go to work the next day, I sat for an hour making sure they were coming regularly. I tried changing positions and standing up...still contractions came. So I woke up DH and then spent a couple hours timing contractions on an ipod app and eating toast. When DS woke for the morning, DH got him breakfast and took him to my parents house whilst I sat in our bedroom breathing through contractions. Once DH came back, I moved downstairs and sat on the birth ball and DH got my TENS machine hooked up. A couple more hours passed whilst I bounced on the ball, ate toast and zapped myself with the TENS boost and moaned through contractions.

I started worrying a little that they weren't getting any longer or more frequent. I'd had a show so was sure they were doing something but I wasn't sure if it was too early to make our way to the hospital. It'd been about 6-7 hours of labour by this point and I didn't want the disappointment I'd had with DS1 (got to the hospital after hours of pain to find I was only 1cm dilated and sent home). I told DH my worries and mentioned that leaning forwards during a contraction makes it far more intense...he suggested I lean forwards during a few if I was worried things weren't progressing. So I did...and then suddenly every contraction was lots more intense and I was getting very shouty and bursting into tears with each one. That's when we realised it was definitely time to go the the hospital..so DH phoned them to let them know and they agreed it was time to come in. I went upstairs and got dressed and then came back down to put my shoes on...another contraction came and as I moaned and cried through it I felt babies head moving down low. I have to get to the hospital NOW I thought to myself. Shortly after that we were on our way and on arriving we're taken to the midwife led unit (I was so glad they had a room free in the MLU, I desperately wanted to give birth in a more hands off environment than I had with DS1 and possibly wanted to try the birth pool).

The midwife checked me and found I was 4cm dilated. I was disappointed. I thought I'd be further along than that and didn't know how I'd cope with hours and hours of these really intense contractions ahead of me. The midwife checked babys position and found his back on my right but that he might be slightly back to back. She asked if I wanted to use the pool and I said I did but not yet...they started to fill it ready for when I wanted it. I didn't want to get in too soon and slow things down. I got off the bed and settled myself leaning forwards over a bean bag on the floor...TENS machine clutched in one hand...gas and air in the other. The midwife checked baby with a doppler and he was doing ok, she put her hand on my tummy to feel the strength on the contractions...a much different and more relaxed experience than I had with DS1 (the midwife broke my waters and once she saw there was meconium, I was stuck on the bed being continuously monitored). I heard her saying that she thought the contractions were coming thick and fast and said that we might have a baby soon. I thought she was off her rocker...no way could baby possibly arrive any time soon I thought...I'm only 4cm, I've been at the hospital for less than an hour, surely I must have hours and hours of this yet.

The midwife and the student midwife who was with her left the room for a few minutes...making sure we knew where the alarm was in case we needed anything. Shortly after she left, I had the contraction from hell and as it tailed off I felt something go pop and warm liquid from between my legs. I said to DH I thought my waters had gone but we looked down and instead saw drops of blood. DH pressed the alarm and the midwife came back in and said baby was on his way. She asked if I was getting any pressure...I'd had none, until the next contraction when I started feeling a little pushy. Even so I still thought the midwife was nuts. Until the next contraction came and I found myself throwing myself over the bean bag, bearing down and pushing hard. Out of no where, my body just started pushing baby out. A few pushes later and I'm panting through a contraction as baby is crowning, another push and his head is out, another push and his body follows.

I look up and DH is in tears, leaning towards me and telling me I did it as baby is passed between my legs and laid on the bean bag in front of me. I'm still in shock that my baby is here so quickly and easily. He starts to cry and I pick him up. Ethan James is here :)

Rough

2010-09-22T20:42:00.003+01:00

Yesterday, I had even more nausea...so much so that I was munching on a ginger biscuit at bedtime to try and stop myself hurling. Right now I'm nauseous and I have a headache. I POAS again today, a darker line than last time (when period was due...about a week ago). Things are looking good. Got first midwife appointment booked, that's on 30th September.

Starting to feel pregnant

2010-09-20T15:14:00.002+01:00

I was so tired yesterday...too tired for it to be passed off as just from playing with DS. We went to Tescos today, a place I hated going during early pregnancy last time because all the sights and smells of food made me want to hurl. Sure enough, I ended up feeling nauseous. So it looks like some symptoms are starting to kick in.

Can't believe I haven't done this yet...

2010-09-16T20:56:00.004+01:00

...so the "could be" in my last post, was that we were TTC again and I could have been pregnant. Turns out I wasn't, that cycle was a BFN. So my next cycle started August 15th and on 10th September (10DPO) I got...

and...

BFP!!!

So now I'm 4wks 4 days and I've been stressing a bit because there seems to be less symptoms this time (every pregnancy is different so I really shouldn't compare, it's hard not too though). But AF was officially a no show yesterday and I POAS again and got a lovely dark line, much darker than the BFP above so at least that's reassuring me. So far I'm bloated (I look 3 months pregnant at times), have some round ligament pain and occasional waves of nausea. I did have cramping but that's eased off now. I'll be making my first midwife appointment tomorrow.

A case of the "could be's"...

2010-07-30T09:23:00.000+01:00

There's a big could be again. Unlikely at this stage but still a "could be"...I like this feeling.

Loves it!

2009-12-07T14:20:00.003Z

I'm loving BLW and there's so much info in the book. So far he's had pasta with cheese sauce, honeydew melon, banana, chips, brocolli and today he had some of my cheese panini whilst we were out.

Most of it goes down his front (or round the kitchen) as he doesn't have the ability to swallow proper food yet...it's too early, it'll come with time...like the ability to roll over, sit, stand, walk. But he loves being included...able to copy mummy and daddy and have what we're having. And mummy an daddy love seeing him so curious about real food...working out what stuff tastes like, different textures, how to handle it and ultimately what it's for. And it's so much easier...don't have to buy any baby food jars, don't have to make our own purees, don't have to spoon-feed him whilst my dinner goes cold, don't have him refusing the spoon, no need to work out whether he's full or wants more...he does it himself with food we were cooking anyway and stops when he's done with it.

Sometimes he does get a bit frustrated...like if he can't quite do whatever he wants to do with a slippery slice of melon...or drops a bit of pasta whilst he was in the middle of gumming...or when the brocolli he was studying and tasting starts coming to bits (he looked very confused "huh...my toys don't do that..waahh mummy I think I broke it!"). But this is all stuff he needs to learn or get better at with practice at some point in his life...so why not give him the opportunity now. There's no reason not to give him control of food (what he eats, how much, how fast, etc) right from the start.

Ditching purees

2009-12-02T10:07:00.004Z

I think we're definitely going to go for a baby-led weaning approach. Monday was horrible. I gave him a jar of baby food at lunch...to make a change from fruit and veggies (even the veggie ones he likes have fruit in) I gave him a meat and veg one. It was one he'd had before and didn't seem too keen...though the first time around I thought it was the texture as it was much thicker than other stuff he'd had. So Monday he tried it again, gagged and threw up. Later that day, I watered it down and tried again to rule out the thickness of it as a problem...he'd have a couple spoons then sit there with his mouth hanging open as if to say "What the hell am I supposed to do with this crap?" and then look as though he wanted to throw up again. Fair enough, I thought...I don't like beef either. So dinner time comes and we try something new...this time a bit of our dinner (baked potato and beans) blizted up in the blender. I don't know if it was just because of earlier on but he was not impressed. He took a tiny bit off the spoon and then "WAAAHHHHHH!!!!" He then cried and shouted all through our dinner...something which is a common occurence whether we give him any puree or not. The one place he's happy at dinner time is on our laps, playing with our dinner plates. Fair enough...he's curious, though it is a PITA when I need two hands to eat.

So last night, we had pizza for dinner and I forgot all about spoon feeding and just plonked him in his high chair with a rusk. He loved it! Now, he's had rusks before so I know he likes them...what I mean is, it was the quietest, calmest dinner we've had in a while...he happily munched his rusk by himself whilst watching mummy and daddy eating.

So I'm thinking now that'll I'll only spoonfeed stuff that's meant to be eaten with a spoon (he loves yoghurt). But otherwise, he can have proper food (from 6 months and within reason of course...got to keep an eye on salt levels for example) and work it out at his own pace.

Me too...

2009-10-25T16:33:00.004Z

Saw this on PostSecret today

The Girl I Used to Be

2009-09-17T16:34:00.001+01:00

She came tonight as I sat alone,
The girl I used to be...
And she gazed at me with her earnest eyes
And questioned reproachfully:
Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes that I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame,
all the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height
With all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?
And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me...
This slender girl from the shadowy past
The girl that I used to be.
So gently rising, I took her hand,
And guided her up the stair
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet, and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems,
And precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go.
And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw the woman that I am now
Pleased the girl that I used to be.

- Author Unknown

Time to get fit

2009-09-09T09:16:00.003+01:00

I don't know if I'll be resurrecting my running blog just yet but certainly it's time I started regular exercise again...an occasional EA Sports Active session on the Wii doesn't really count as regular. I would have started sooner but, in addition to dodgy knees, I fell down the stairs and bruised my tailbone...ouchy!

Last weekend DH and I took Brandon swimming. We're going this weekend too. Though that said it probably won't be a weekly thing...maybe fortnightly though. Last weekend also wasn't particularly exercise since I spent my time in the shallow pool with DS, supporting him in a inflatable ring as he kicked around. In the future, DH and I will be taking it in turns to have a swim in the big pool.

So anyway, to start off with I plan on doing...
- at least 50 sit-ups daily
- at least 20 push-ups daily
- at least 2 rounds of sun salutation daily

I should easily be able to fit those in during the day. Then, depending on the weather and DS, I plan to walk at least 2 times a week and do 3 workouts on EA Sports Active a week (not weather dependent obviously!).

That should help sort out my core muscles and ease me into some cardio...providing I put my trainers and some suitable clothes on the walks may well turn into runs too.

The reality of motherhood

2009-08-27T14:15:00.000+01:00

I went to my postnatal group yesterday, we're a small group of mums who went to NCT antenatal classes together...the NCT in the area team antenatal classes with postnatal groups.

Yesterday one of the things we were talking about was the reality of motherhood...how real life differs from expectations, imaginations and the media portrayal. Certainly media portrayal does colour peoples expectations and so do other mothers to some extent...you know, the ones who appear to be superwoman when you see them but are really just good at hiding the reality.

So how does the media portray motherhood? Usually as peaceful, pastel scenes of mum in size 8 jeans snuggling baby on the bed or some variation of that theme. In the media, the baby never cries, never spits up, never drools, never farts...and mum never has stretch marks, a "mummy tummy" or bags under her eyes...certainly mum is never wandering round the house still in her pyjamas at 4pm with a crying baby, unwashed hair and no makeup.

But that's the reality...at least at first and then you slowly work out a way to get your hair washed and your teeth brushed whilst still making sure baby is fed when they're hungry, comforted when they're crying and changed when they're wet/dirty. Though everyone has their off days and that includes babies and mothers so whilst slogging round the house is more common in the early weeks you still get days like that months down the line.

Then of course there's the soap operas on TV, where one minute you see mum putting baby in the buggy and next moment she's out the door. In soap opera land that's easy, in reality it's easier said than done. Because first you need to get yourself presentable to leave the house...that goes back to the difficulties in getting showered/teeth brushed/clothes on. Simultaneously you need to get baby ready to leave the house...fed, clean nappy, dressed, check the changing bag is fully stocked, get the pushchair up and finally get the baby in it. Hopefully, you'll be lucky and baby won't spit up over their clean clothes or do a poop just as you're about to get out the door. It's a far cry from the shoes-on-grab-wallet/keys-and-go scenario that you're so used to from before baby but the media seem to portray it as equally easy as that.

In addition we also talked about loosing yourself when you become a mother and that you need to mourn that loss. Personally, I don't feel I've lost who I was before the birth of my son but I have become someone else on top of that. There's the "old me" from back then and now there's still the "old me" but in addition there's another layer on top. What I have lost, rather than myself, is my lifestyle. In a way, that started with pregnancy...I could no longer eat what I wanted or drink what I wanted. Now, I can eat what I want, drink what I want (within reason, I still can't get completely drunk) but I can't go where I want or do what I want, when I want. There's a whole other person to think about when going anywhere or which stops you doing things when you're at home (case in point, it's taken me two hours to write these few paragraphs in between feeding baby, comforting baby and feeding myself...ooh and judging by the smell coming from the baby on my lap I'm now off to change a nappy).

Now don't get me wrong in all this. Whilst I may be ranting this is still the most fulfilling thing I've ever, ever done. It's amazing to see my son growing, the new things he's learning...he was worth the labour pain and the stretchmarks, the saggy belly, the sleep deprivation...everything, he's worth it. It just bugs me how it's shown on TV and considering how it's shown it doesn't suprise me how some women can find themselves shocked by how hard it is or feeling useless because life for them looks nothing like how it is on TV.

Growing so fast and also TMI

2009-08-23T13:31:00.003+01:00

Well I've found why he's been getting cranky...the poor dear is teething. He's not quite two months old yet but I can see the top of a tooth poking through and signs that others are working their way up too! My little man is growing so fast!

In other news, and this is where the TMI comes in. Yesterday I had some time to workout. I've got that EA Sports Active game for the Wii. I loves it and figure it'd be a great way to easily fit in some cardio and strength training before I attempt to go for an actual run. Though yesterday I tried running on the spot for this game and I sprung a leak! Damn! I keep doing my pelvic floor exercises but it's hard to find which muscles I'm meant to be exercising when it all feels shot to pieces and they don't seem to do a thing. Ho hum I'll keep trying.

Next weekend we're thinking of taking the little man swimming for the first time. He's got his first set of immunisations on Tuesday (his two month birthday too) so we'll see how he is after that. I imagine that, combined with the teething he's not going to be a happy bunny. Certainly, his mummy isn't happy at the thought of him having injections. I probably cry more than he does when seeing my little man in pain :(

Success!!

2009-08-10T15:46:00.005+01:00

He's taking a nap!!! Ok so it's taken me three hours to get him to take said nap but he's sleeping! Woohoo. Not only that but he slept about this time yesterday and the day before too (though it was far easier to get him to sleep both those times). Today he was very overtired, very cranky and fighting sleep.

Tomorrow I will persevere with naps, it'd be particulary nice if I could get him to take a morning nap and an afternoon nap so that he has two short naps instead of one long one and then hopefully won't get so cranky. I'll see what he's like tomorrow, if he's just simply not tired all morning then no amount of rocking is gonna work lol!

I also want to try an earlier bedtime so he gets more night time sleep...currently he goes to bed between 9-10pm most nights and then DH and I go to bed at 10pm. Sometimes he's tired (ok, read cranky) earlier and it's more like 8.30pm. I want to get a bedtime routine in place...starting around 7pm at first so he's in bed by 8pm. I'll work on the routine soon but for now I'll focus on watching for sleepy cues (or rather practice spotting them since I seem to be pretty good at missing them so far until it's too late and he's already getting quite cranky) and see how he is...try to work out when he naturally seems to be tired and get him to sleep before he gets overtired. Then work on the routine thing.

Tune!

2009-07-25T10:22:00.002+01:00

Brandon's been better the past couple of days, he slept twice during the day yesterday for three hours at a time! He's asleep now too though did have some cranky time before because he had a lot of gas...the poor thing had tummy ache. Lots of farts, some mummy cuddles and poorly sung Twinkle Twinkle later and he fell asleep in my arms.

Now I'm listening to some Coldplay...DH put it on when he took Brandon downstairs this morning. All these songs are making me want to go out running as a lot of them featured on my running playlist...Fix You, Lovers in Japan, Viva La Vida, Lost...oooh they remind me of pounding the streets, pushing myself to get round the next corner and the one after that and the one after that until I reach the distance I set out to cover. I loves it! I can't wait to run again. Thing is my knees are knackered at the moment...I don't know what it is, maybe it's pregnancy hormones still floating round my system and loosened them up. All I know is that they hurt when I bend them when putting weight on them. Gah! I'll give it a few more weeks and see how it goes...maybe a slow, short run (which lets face it after 10 months off that's all I'm going to be able to manage anyway!) would actually help.

"Sleep when the baby sleeps"

2009-07-23T17:23:00.003+01:00

Those are the words of wisdom everyone tells me. What they don't tell me is what the hell to do if the baby doesn't sleep! The past couple of days he just will not sleep during the day. He'll look all sleepy but won't make that final leap into actual sleep unless I'm holding him, carrying him in the mei tai or driving him round in the car.

Now that's not too different to how he was a couple days ago...he'd always want to be held and rocked...what's different is that once he was asleep in your arms you could put him down and he'd stay asleep until he was hungry again. The past couple of days, he'll stay asleep for as long as it takes him to work out he's no longer being held or driven around (about 30 minutes versus the couple hours of sleep he'd get before in between feeds). Though saying that...I'm holding him now and he's just half awoke after only snoozing 20 mins.

Anyway, so we end up with cranky baby and tired mummy. DH has now started doing one of the night feeds to share the load...previously I was doing them all night feeds on worknights since I could catch up on sleep during the day. Seeing that I can't do that now, DH has stepped in to help (loves him!) as I was going crazy!

Bonding

2009-07-17T17:41:00.003+01:00

I always wondered whether I'd be one of those women that'd immediately fall in love with their baby or if I'd be one that needed a little time. Turns out I'm both. When bub was born there was an immediate rush and "high". Getting through labour left me feeling like superwoman and I felt an immediate love for my little boy. I've found it was a rather superficial bond though.

When everything takes it's toll...tiredness from night feeds, feelings of inadequacy when I'm unable to soothe my crying baby, feelings of frustration when my efforts to lull him to sleep are in vain, "baby blues" and the draining effect of what seems like endless visitors...I started to fear I was sinking into postnatal depression because at times I've felt so very distant from baby, as if I've no bond with him at all. However at other times, I've felt so in tune with baby...so in sync and able to read him and meet his needs. And I've begun to realise that flitting between both ends of this spectrum are totally normal. What I have is a whole new human being who has turned life as I knew it upside down. It's something that nothing can ever prepare you for. I'm in the process of not only adapting to my new life but also getting to know a brand new person who has limited ways of communicating with me. But I feelt like I am getting to know this person. We have our off days but slowly I find myself tuning in to him, slowly I find that superficial bond deepening, slowly I find myself feeling like I really am a mother to my son and not just some woman that popped him out three weeks ago.

Brandons birth story

2009-07-02T22:28:00.000+01:00

Contractions started on the 24th June in the evening...around 7.30pm ish. At first I wasn't sure that's what they were. An internal a couple days before showed my cervix wasn't at all dilated, still 2cm long and being my first baby I expected him to be quite late. I'd had some crampiness after the internal but it seemed to just fizzle out to nothing.

Yet 1 day past my due date I had strong period-like cramps. DH dug out his iPod because being the geek he is he'd downloaded some contraction timer software on it. So we found they were coming regularly...about 5 mins apart and 30 seconds long. Still expecting a late baby and having not had any show or other signs I thought they'd fizzle out.

That night, we tried to go to sleep...but it just wasn't possible. At some point after trying that we called the delivery suite at the hospital. They said it sounded like early labour and to have a warm bath and take some paracetamol. I did both but neither eased the pain at all. Eventually, I send DH out to the car to grab the hospital bag which contained my TENS machine and I get myself all wired up. That helped.

In the early hours of the morning, I'm getting restless and I'm finding it hard to deal with each contraction. We call the delivery suite again and they tell us to come in. It's 3am in the morning when we climb into the taxi and I sit there hoping that the contractions don't disappear...for some reason worried we'd get to the hospital for them to tell me I'm a silly woman and it's all in my head. We get there and it's really busy...all 8 delivery rooms are in use and there's another also in labour in the waiting room. We join her and her partner in there...she doesn't seem to be coping well and I start to think that we've come in too early because I don't seem to be in as much pain as her. We get taken into another waiting room and they put me on a monitor. At some point I puked over the sofa in there. They then want to do an internal exam...ugh, I hate those...I tense up and can't stay still I find them really difficult...but I let the midwife have a go only to be told I'm only 1cm dilated. I was so disappointed and scared I wouldn't be able to cope later on as it already hurt like hell and yet I had so far to go.

We call my parents and they take us home where I try another warm bath, paracetamol and attempt to sleep...ain't happening. So I sat downstairs on the sofa, attempt to eat some toast and whack the boost button on the TENS and try to distract myself from the pain by tapping my hands and feet to the tune of Viva La Vida (by Coldplay), counting in my head and visualising the numbers as I did so...some techniques I'd started reading about a week before...the idea being that you try to bombard your brain with non-painful things so it can't focus on the pain.

Around lunchtime ish we called the hospital again. I was starting to have trouble coping with the contractions and wanted to go in. This time we get taken straight to a delivery room and pretty much left to our own devices for a bit. They try to do an internal...I wasn't having an of it that time and the midwife gave up and hooked up the gas and air for me. A shift change means a new midwife and a student midwife come in. They both then stay with me for the rest of labour...unusual really, you usually don't even get constant one-on-one care let alone two-on-one. However, these two did manage to do an internal on me, found I was 8cm dilated and broke my waters to find they contained meconium...baby wasn't happy.

So it was on with the monitors. I HATED being hooked up to constant monitoring. I wanted and needed to move...they kept wanting me to lay down but that only made it hurt more. I wanted to sit...which meant they kept loosing track of babys heartbeat and picking up mine and so kept re-adjusting the monitor. Some more contractions later and I'm asking if they can give me anything else for the pain...TENS, Entonox and distraction techniques aren't very effective by this point. However I'd reached "the point of no return" really...the point where you're so close to giving birth they don't really want to give you anything else. However, the midwife did decide to give me a tiny bit of pethidine...just to take the edge off she said, except I didn't feel any effect from it at all. My only regret in all of my labour is giving in to that injection but at least I know for next time.

However, as it turned out, I wasn't as close to the birth as they thought...it took me several more hours of contractions and then pushing to get baby out. At some point, they hooked me up to a drip. I'd been unable to eat since labour started the night before...everything I consumed, except liquids, came back up. They decided I was probably getting quite dehydrated (despite the fact I could actually keep water down) and a drip was put in. Then they kept trying to get me to empty my bladder, except I'd go to the loo and nothing would come out so eventually they resorted to a catheter. Finally, I started getting an urge to push and started acting on it though my first few attempts on all fours were pretty feeble. I switched to pushing whilst lying on my right hand side as they thought he wasn't quite turning the way he should through my pelvis. Later I was switched to my left side again to help baby turn the way he should. Pushing surprised me as it actually felt good to push. Whilst pushing was tiring, not pushing hurt...so clearly pushing was preferable! I seemed to be getting somewhere but not fast enough for their liking and the midwives started talking with the doctor who started mentioning possibly doing an episiotomy and using a ventouse to get baby out. I was told to try pushing lying on my back...I obliged but at first dreaded the thought as earlier being on my back hurt far, far worse. However, I actually found this more effective and babys heartbeat was more easily located and seemed more stable in this position which bought me more time...and I really spurred into action from that point. DH mentioned later that I seemed to gain a new lease of life and determination once episiotomy and ventouse was mentioned. That's because I was absolutely terrified of having them cut me or stick stuff in me to pull baby out for me...as thoughts of those things floated through my imagination I started pushing like crazy. I was NOT going to have them do those things to me or baby, I was going to get him out now! And finally, he started crowning...the docs and midwives calmed down and DH watched as his head emerged and the midwife grabbed hold of his shoulders and pulled the rest of him out with my next push.

So many things happened all at once...it was all in the space of a few seconds but it seemed like slow motion at the time. Firstly there was immense relief from the pressure and pain and I realised I'd done it, he was out. I peered down to the end of the bed and there he was...looking a bit blue and having his airways cleared of fluid so meconium didn't end up in his lungs. And then he cried and so did I and so did DH. Next thing I know they're lifting him up and putting him on my chest and I'm up on cloud nine. They stitched me up (2nd degree tear) and I didn't care, I was hot and sweaty but didn't care, I was tired but didn't care. All that mattered was that he was here.

Ugh

2009-06-24T09:52:00.004+01:00

So the itching continued and I called up the hospital last Thursday and they thought I should come in and be monitored again. So in I go and instead of being reassured they scare me half to death. The dozy midwife couldn't find babys heartbeat...she kept finding mine but convinced herself that it was babys and that it was really slow. So I get rushed down to delivery suite with her shouting "bradycardia, got a bradycardia" at any nearby midwife or doc. In one of the delivery rooms she tries again to find the heartbeat...no luck and she pushes the emergency button. A dozen midwives flood in, shortly followed by a doc. One midwife has taken over trying to find the heartbeat whilst another is pulling off my shoes. The dozy midwife is telling the new arrivals that she found the heartbeat, is sure it's not maternal heartbeat that it's shot up a bit but is still low for a baby. I'm thinking yeah, of course it's bloody shot up that's MY heartbeat and you're scaring the crap outta me, my heart's fucking pounding now!

Anyway, one of the other midwives finds babys heartbeat...nice and normal. I get left on the monitor for several hours, have a midwife and a doc attempt a stretch and sweep but my body wasn't having any of it...I have issues with that kinda thing at the best of times but after the scare they gave me I wasn't in the right place mentally to keep calm and relaxed enough for that kinda thing. So they took some blood to repeat the liver function test and also do a bile salts test (which is more specific for detecting obstetric cholestasis). Then told me to come in for monitoring on Saturday and Monday and to see the consultant on Monday...didn't tell me what for though!

So Saturday I get monitored again...all fine, liver function test is fine. Bile salts test takes longer to get the results but midwife says if liver function is ok the bile salts one usually is too. By Saturday the itching is much better but I wasn't sure if it was because it was actually getting better or was because the weather was cooler (it would itch more when I was hot). I knew it wasn't the antihistamines because I'd stopped taking them. Monday I go in to be monitored again...again all fine, still awaiting the bile salts test. They tell me to come back on Thursday for monitoring and the results of that test. On Monday I see the consultant and it turns out it's about induction...he's of the opinion that they can keep testing and monitoring but the levels will just keep going up until something's detected so might as well induce. He didn't pay any attention to me saying the itching had practically stopped (if it was OC you'd expect it to continue or get worse). So now I feel they're throwing around the idea of induction when there's probably no reason to do that at all.

So tomorrow I go in for monitoring again and to get the bile salts results. If that's all fine and I make it clear the itching has stopped (the weather has been roasting again lately so I know it's not related to that now!) then I hope the midwives will be happy to let me go without a mention of induction, sweeps, consultants or coming back for more monitoring. If they do mention any of that kind of stuff I'll be up for a fight because if the blood test is fine, the itching has stopped (and when I did itch I'd come up with little blisters...a case of eczema rather than a liver problem if you ask me) then I don't have OC and there's no need to do anything other than leave me be and see if I go into labour naturally over the next couple weeks and if not then induce...just the normal rountine.

So I'm up for a fight. I'm fed up of being poked, prodded and strapped to monitors. If the blood test is fine then there's clearly no need for any of that unless I have concern over babys movements or go well overdue.

Good news

2009-06-15T21:23:00.002+01:00

Got the results of my liver function blood test today and it's normal...no obstetric cholestasis. Which is what I was thinking as when my hands and feet itch they pop up in a rash. I guess what I have on my tummy has spread to other places and is a case of PUPPPs (Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy...aka PEP or polymorphic eruption of pregnancy).

Fortunately, this has no effect on baby and, besides driving me batty, isn't something serious for me either. So I've been trying to keep my hands, feet and tummy cool..trying not to scratch and trying every cream under the sun to ease the itch.

Just got back...

2009-06-13T13:00:00.003+01:00

...from the hospital. I spoke to the midwife about the itching when I saw her last Thursday. She seemed to agree with me that the tummy itch was irritated stretch marks but she said if I itch anywhere else, especially feet and hands, I should call the day unit at the hospital and get it checked out. Basically that's a symptom of obstetric cholestasis...a condition caused by the increased hormones in the last trimester affecting the liver. As a result, bile salts end up in the blood causing itching...they can also affect baby and lead to an increased risk of maternal hemorrhaging. EEK!

So what happens to me yesterday...I wake up with an insanely itchy toe. Hmm...so I think I'll see how it goes. Later that day...an insanely itchy finger. I have a cool bath before bed to soothe my tummy...I get out and I have insanely itchy toes on both feet. I wake up around 3am itching madly...this time it's belly and my hands. Not good me thinks. So I called the day unit at the hospital...told them about my itchy tummy and how I've now started itching elsewhere and they told me to come in.

So baby heartbeat has been monitored...everything seems normal and he seemed to be having a whale of a time trying to kick the monitors off my belly. I've had some blood taken for full blood count (see if I'm still anaemic) and liver function. My urine sample has been sent to the lab also because it showed signs of a UTI. I've been given some antihistamines as well to try to stop the itch and help me sleep. So I'm just waiting for results now...I call them up for those on Monday. I hope it's all ok and the itch has a more harmless cause!

itch

2009-06-06T13:21:00.003+01:00

I've recently gotten a lot of stretch marks and in addition they itch! Not all of them, just the ones down the middle of my tummy...I think the "comfy" tracksuit bottoms I've been wearing lately have irritated them and possibly given me a bit of a rash. So yesterday I started using Bio-Oil to hopefully improve the appearance of the ones to the side and then Sudocrem (antiseptic cream...most commonly used to treat and prevent nappy rash but also great for other itchy, sore stuff) on the middle to soothe the itchy bit. Seems to be helping already as is letting the air get to my belly...so I'm currently sitting here with my belly hanging out...lovely! lol

I think baby is trying to get himself engaged. Not sure how successful he's been but certainly feels like he's wriggling down and occasionally when walking (well waddling) I get a sharp pain in my nether regions...maybe he's head butting something. I had quite a few of those pains earlier whilst wandering around the kitchen making some lunch...then I had a really low, long and strong cramp. It was like a period cramp on steriods. Again a look of panic crossed DHs face lol. I'm sure he won't fall apart when I'm actually in labour and sees for himself what he already knows from the antenatal classes...that labour isn't like on TV where all of a sudden the woman doubles over with a contraction and then there's a mad rush to the hospital because that of course means the baby's coming in the next five minutes. Pfft I wish that's what happens IRL!! 5 minutes of pain I can take!

Hmmm

2009-06-03T22:00:00.002+01:00

The mild panic has subsided now...well for me at least, DH looked almost like he was going to pass out when I commented on what I'd been feeling today. Now I'm feeling really excited, still a few labour nerves floating around, but on the whole I can't wait to meet my baby and hopefully soon!

Which leads me onto what I've been feeling today and for some of yesterday too...backache and crampiness. Braxton hicks have been more noticable this evening too. Now according to the midwife on Monday baby isn't engaged yet and well knowing my luck it'll still be weeks yet but I'm glad that something seems to be going on.

Don't Panic!

2009-05-26T13:56:00.003+01:00

Both DH and I have been filled with a mild sense of panic over the last couple of days. For both of us it's the realisation that we're near the end...the pregnancy bit is almost over and we're going to be parents soon.

For me, that has meant worries about labour and hospital stays (yeah we decided not to go for homebirth but ick, I really don't want to have to stay in). Then the fact I'm preparing myself for labour (hospital bag is packed, raspberry leaf tea being drunk, birthing ball being bounced on, etc) has triggered other worries. It's suddenly made me think along the lines of "hang on, I'm getting ready to get this baby out...but, but taking care of baby inside is quite easy...now he's going to be coming out, that's going to be hard...and coming out from where??!! oh gods!!!"

It's just once you get pregnant, you spend so much time thinking about, reading about and worrying about the pregnancy and then the labour...the bit that happens afterward all that gets pushed to the back of your mind because it seems such a long way off. Then once the end is drawing near it all jumps upon you as you realise that actually it's happening and quite soon. So this weekend we've both felt like we've been hit with a tonne of bricks! And for me that had kicked off nesting instinct...I'm currently washing some baby clothes, wanting to stock up the cupboards and freezer with easy meals for the first few days and I'm just about to clear out the kitchen cupboards to find room for the steriliser and bottles.

Pain and other annoyances

2009-05-19T10:56:00.002+01:00

Saw the midwife again last week and mentioned the SPD to her (it was a different one to the one I saw a couple weeks ago) as I slowly climbed onto the table for her to prod my bump. She suggested I saw a doc to get a referral to physio. It has gotten worse since I saw the other midwife a couple weeks ago...now I get pain down the back of my left leg too and the pain elsewhere is more intense. So I saw the doc on Saturday, she prodded my bump and pelvis and whilst she has referred me to physio, she doesn't think it's SPD. Personally I still think it's mild SPD and the pain in the back of my leg is possibly sciatica. Either way, I'm just waiting for a physio appointment to come through now though I wonder if it'll be in time to be of any help. With 5 weeks till my due date, I could have the baby before I get to see the physio or see any benefit from it. Ah well. Day to day, apart from the odd teary day when this and the hormones get to me, I feel I can cope but I worry if labour will be more painful. I mean, you'd think it'd be a bit easier...more flexi pelvis = easier for baby to get out right? Well, I wonder if the more flexi pelvis will cause more pain since it seems to do so in daily life and if it'll restrict the positions I can get into and leave me stuck in a position that doesn't open up the pelvis or utilise gravity.

My other annoyance is my MIL. She's been annoying me for a long time but I haven't written about it yet. What annoys me (and DH is noticing it too now) is her constant comments and questions about my size and weight as well as the way she seems to be trying to fatten me up. The woman always brings food! Everytime she comes round! And none of it's healthy...mainly pizzas, cookies and sometimes chocolate eclairs. Now I realise this is probably just her showing her age and how antenatal care was when she had my DH...she was probably weighed at every appointment and therefore has the impression that the more weight gain the better and that you need to "eat for two". But that impression is wrong. A woman with a healthy weight at the start should gain around 12kg and there's no need for extra helpings...just an extra 200 kcal a day in the last trimester. More weight gain does not mean a bigger baby. She's just got to look at DH's cousin to see that...she gained double the recommended amount but baby was a normal 6.5lbs. I've gained around 10kg so far...perfectly healthy. But she still seems to feel the need to bring me fatty foods in an attempt to make me gain more and constantly comment on my size and question how much I've gained. I've mentioned this to DH and he's now started to really notice it too. After the last time she came round he said how he hates how she's always commenting on my size. It's just...ugh, soooo annoying!

It's finished!

2009-05-19T10:48:00.003+01:00

The nursery is now done! Everything from paint and carpet to furniture and putting baby's clothes in the room.

The only thing that still needs doing is the old rocking chair. DH started painting it but it's not finished yet...the first coat is done on half of it, the other half still needs doing and then it all needs sanding and a second coat applied. It's not crucial though.

The next (and last) thing on our list of stuff to get done before baby is tiling the bathroom. That's starting tomorrow and should hopefully be done on Thursday or if not Friday.

Nursery

2009-05-13T11:57:00.004+01:00

It's finally starting to look nice. We're almost done. Just need to put the wardrobe and the cot up (wardrobe is here, cot is being delivered on Monday) and alter some of the doors (now the carpet is down, they need a bit taking off the bottom).

The moses basket will actually be in our room because but we put it in babys room for now because it looks so sweet in there...DH was tearing up last night!

Useless

2009-05-13T11:25:00.004+01:00

I've been feeling a bit rough lately. The SPD is starting to really get to me, it's fine when I'm sitting down...no pain at all. It's usually ok to walk but I now walk with a waddle. I drove yesterday, worst leg is my left so I'd get a little twinge of pain with every push of the clutch...times like these I wish I had an automatic! It's really, really painful in bed though. It hurts trying to get in, hurts like hell trying to change position and it's latest trick is to absolutely kill when I try to get up. I do all the tricks...keeping my knees "glued" together when getting in and out and turning over but no luck, it fucking hurts no matter what I do.

So last night I ended up in tears. Just generally feeling depressed and useless...things I used to be able to do I now either can't or if I can I'd seriously regret it the next day. So I end up feeling guilty that I can't help DH out more. Sure I can still do some stuff...I can cook, wash up, clean the bathroom and kitchen that kind of thing. But hoovering is a no go and DH has been doing a lot of work on the house lately...normally, I'd help but I can't so I end up sitting downstairs bored out of my brain. Then I find myself missing the little things...just cuddling DH on the sofa has become such a chore because trying to get comfy or get up again hurts. And then I find myself upset because we wanted more kids after this one. Whilst that's a while off yet, chances are I'll get SPD again and possibly even earlier than I've got it now...I don't know if I could do it.

Maybe once I pop this baby out I'll be able to see that all this pain was totally worth it and next time around it won't be so bad because I'll be able to draw upon that. I think that's one thing that running has taught me...sometimes you get injuries, sometimes you go through pain to reach your goal but crossing that finish line is worth it so you just keep going. I've got to think of this as being like a very, very long run...I know it'll be worth it, it's just hard to see that when I'm 6ish weeks away from meeting my baby, in pain from SPD, worrying about labour and facing a life that'll never be the same again. I just need to keep going (not that I have much choice in that but I do have a choice as to whether I keep going with smile on my face or tears rolling down it). It's all lot to take in though! Whilst you read and think about all this stuff earlier on in the pregnancy or when TTC it doesn't really sink in...there's a tendancy to think "ah that's a long way off yet". Now my baby will be full term in three weeks time it's all starting to hit home! No wonder I've been feeling a bit rough!

Baby kicking

2009-05-05T22:55:00.001+01:00

Never thought I'd consider it...

2009-05-01T15:42:00.005+01:00

But I'm thinking about having a home birth.

I've known from the start that I want to avoid drugs and other interventions...for example, I don't like the idea of an epidural for several reasons...

1. I'm not keen on having a needle in my back.
2. I definitely do not want to be flat on my back unable to move nor have monitors, IV (more needles ick), catheter etc
3. There's an increased risk of instrumental delivery or caesarean
4. There's the possibility of side effects

So I'd mentally ruled it out but figured "hey, I'll be at the hospital anyway so could change my mind at the time if I wanted to". However, now I'm having symptoms of SPD that adds another reason to my list...it'd be best to avoid it so I don't end up flat on my back with legs akimbo because of the risk I'd put them too wide or be made to feel like I have to have them up in stirrups at some point and thus do myself an injury because I can't feel the SPD pain telling me to stop. So I don't want an epidural.

Pethidine, I'm not keen on either but might consider it if the birth was sometime off and I wasn't getting by with gas and air, breathing through contractions and TENS. Again, I'd avoid it if possible but it's my back up plan...the thing I'd pick if I did feel the need for some drugs. However, midwives attending homebirths do carry pethidine. It's only an epidural that is ruled out by staying at home (and even then not completely because you could change your mind and transfer to hospital and get one if you wanted).

So in terms of pain relief, a homebirth does offer the options I want...gas and air (which midwife brings...I'll double check though when I talk with her about this) and TENS (I've bought one off ebay, should arrive soon).

So then the only thing to consider is the risk...which latest info says there is no increased risk from giving birth at home if you've had an uncomplicated pregnancy. In fact it's probably better because you have one-to-one care from the midwife, your more relaxed in familiar surroundings (possibly, some people might feel scared shitless that they're not in a hospital but most people are more relaxed in familiar surroundings with familiar faces) and there's less chance of assisted birth and caesarean (you could have them if necessary by transferring to hospital but being at home means you're unlikely to end up with something like that being done "just in case" rather than because it's actually necessary).

Now my pregnancy has been uncomplicated so far...just a touch of anaemia (which I've been prescribed iron pills for and am awaiting blood test results to see if they've worked) and SPD (which isn't excruciating, hopefully it won't get worse, and shouldn't cause increased pain in labour...in fact it should actually help because it means my pelvis has more give in it than average). Both of these things shouldn't be a reason for me to not give birth at home.

So it certainly makes sense to me and DH. The only thing is to weigh up where I'd feel more relaxed...home or hospital and if home then would we hire a birthing pool or not use one. It certainly feels strange to be considering this seriously. I'd almost instantly ruled it out before now without even exploring the idea. I'm thinking I'll continue to mull it over until my next midwife appointment (2 weeks time) and if I'd still like to go for it then, I'll talk with her and make any necessary arrangements.

Ouch

2009-04-21T22:55:00.002+01:00

No one warned me the third trimester could also be called the painful trimester. Firstly there's the aching muscles and ligaments...often set off from too much bending down. Then there's a weird cracking sound which comes from the back of my hips sometimes. It doesn't hurt, it's just strange. I'll mention the aches and pains to the midwife when I see her on Monday but I'm not concerned because it basically seems to me that it's just everything loosening up. Needless to say it means I'm quite looking forward to the start of my maternity leave when I can spend much of my time lazing about on the sofa if I've had a sleepless night or am having a particularly achy day. Just 6 days left at work now.

In addition to that, the (not so) little one has decided it's fun to beat the crap out of my insides...currently he's playing football with my left kidney, other times he prefers my ribs. Mostly it just feels uncomfortable but sometimes he hits something that hurts. I don't mind though, in fact I'm glad I've become a baby punch bag because it's in his quieter moments that I start to worry...regularly whacking me is quite reassuring.

I'm also hot, carrying a baby is like carrying around my own personal radiator. Fine on cold days but spring has sprung and it's warming up now and what feels like a plesant 20°C day to everyone else feels like a 30°C scorcher to me. DH and I have our first antenatal class on Thursday evening. I'm kinda hoping we can make some friends there...especially as there's some meet ups/classes after the birth too for the new mums and babies. I'm useless at making friends though, DH is much better at that kinda thing. But he'll be coming to the before birth classes so hopefully he can help me open up and make friends. So, that's the latest pregnancy related update.

In other news, the funeral is May 8th. I'm not sure how everyone's doing, I think my dad is a bit peeved that his sister went and arranged everything without talking to anyone else. I don't know how grandad is doing. I know it wasn't exactly sudden but still, that's got to be so hard. I just can't imagine. As for me, I don't know how I'm doing either. I guess the word denial springs to mind. As is usually the case with me, I spend most of my time trying not to think about it and then turn into a complete wreck at funerals when it all suddenly hits me.

Goodbyes

2009-04-20T18:44:00.001+01:00

She's gone.

sigh

2009-04-13T22:43:00.003+01:00

My nanny has been in and out of hospital lately, she's back in there again now. She has dementia, suffered with that for years, some days were better than others...sometimes she seemed more "with it", sometimes you were lucky if she could even remember your name or how you were related to her. However, over the past few months she's come down with several infections that have required hospital treatment. She was treated, went home (when some carers had finally been arranged to help my grandad care for her) but it wasn't long before she was back in hospital again. They found she has an MRSA infection in her leg so started treating her with more antibiotics, these have resulted in a C.Difficile infection and she's been refusing to take any medicine so it seems it's just a matter of keeping her comfy until it's her time to go.

Today my mum emails and now nanny can't talk anymore. She smiled at my dad when he took grandad in to see her so she's still recognising faces. I can't go see her, she's in an isolation area because of the infections and pregnant women aren't allowed. Not only that but the rest of the ward has now been closed because of the winter vomiting bug (norovirus) and it looks like no one else will be able to see her now either. *sigh* I guess this is it but knowing that in advance isn't making it any easier.

Hmm...

2009-04-13T00:19:00.007+01:00

With it being Easter I turned on the TV this morning to see a televised Easter service from Southwark Cathedral. I can't remember the exact wording from my church going days but during an Anglican service the vicar says something (I think "This is the Word of the Lord"...or whatever) and the congregation responds with "Thanks be to God". This morning, just as they said that one word popped into my mind..."Sheep". I just couldn't help it, it just popped right in my head out of the depths of my subconscious. It was just the way the whole congregation spoke this sentence in unison and seemingly without thought or feeling.

Lately, things have been playing on my mind...what with baby on the way and DHs side of the family being kinda-Christianish they might be expecting two Christenings this year (DHs cousin who's recently had her baby will likely have him Christened). Today cemented in my mind what weeks of pondering hasn't managed to do. If they're expecting two Christenings they will be disappointed...I couldn't do it. I couldn't seriously attend a church service let alone stand up and "reject the devil and all rebellion against God" and "turn to Christ as Saviour" on behalf of my baby when I don't believe in any of those beings let alone the sin an innocent child supposedly needs to be saved from.

Babys room

2009-04-05T09:55:00.004+01:00

We've been working on babys room over the past week or so and yesterday put the first coat of colour on the walls. It's nice that it's finally starting to look like a proper room. We just need to do the second coat of colour, paint the woodwork and get carpet fitted...the last one will have to wait until after the boiler is done in the first week of May but we'll call the carpet fitter next week and choose the carpet and book a day with him.

Here's what the room looked like when we moved in back in May last year...

In the middle of stripping the wallpaper...

DH painting yesterday...

First coat finished...

28 week midwife appointment

2009-04-01T20:04:00.002+01:00

Saw the midwife again on Monday. All the usual check-ups...blood pressure, pee, prod of the bump and listen for the heartbeat. Everything fine...she had no probs finding the heartbeat and it was so loud and strong. She reckons he's a happy chappy in there (just don't get too comfy matey...I want you out in 12 weeks time!). She also had the results of the blood tests I had last week. Blood glucose is fine (yippee, no glucose tolerance test for me!), antibody screen came back negative (I think that looks for antibodies against Rhesus D...though I don't think my body is strange enough to produce antibodies against it's own blood type) my haemoglobin was low though. It's quite common to develop anaemia during mid and late pregnancy, which is why they test for it.

After some reading on the interwebs I think the normal range is 11-15mg/dl, mine was 10.3mg/dl. At my first blood test at 8 weeks it was 12.4mg/dl. Part of the drop is physiological...blood volume increases during pregnancy and it's more dilute. However, I do need to have higher levels. Baby will keep happily taking iron out of me and the food I eat but I need some for me to deal with blood loss after delivery.

I've been trying my best to get iron into me...taking a prenatal vitamin (only has 17mg though and the human body isn't the best thing at absorbing iron), eating iron rich veggie foods with orange juice (vitamin C increases absorption) and incorporating some meat into my diet (yeah, I'm not a huge fan). However, it's not been enough...diet alone just ain't going to cut it so it was off to the doctors today to get me a prescription for iron tablets and I'm now the proud owner of 100 200mg ferrous sulphate pills...with a repeat prescription so I can get 100 more should I run out :S

I'll have another midwife appointment in four weeks time so I'll ask her about getting another blood test done since doc seemed to think it'd be a good idea to be tested again.

Decorating

2009-03-29T15:27:00.003+01:00

Well the boiler quote came...about £3000 for everything that needs doing. Which is about what we expected. We'll be getting that done at the beginning of May. My bonus has been confirmed and I'll be paid that at the end of April...that should cover half the boiler cost once the tax man has taken his bit and the rest will come from savings.

We've decided to paint babys room before the boiler is put in, we won't be getting new carpet for it until afterwards as they'll need access to the gas pipe under the floor. So yesterday, we bought the paint for babys room...a yellow as I wanted something bright and neutral. We know we're having a boy but I just don't see why everything has to be blue for boys and pink for girls. We will have some blue in the room, the carpet we plan on having a bluey-grey and the curtains will be blue, but that's it...I find too much blue to be depressing. So the room is now almost ready to paint. The wallpaper has been stripped, the woodwork sanded, DH is just filling in a few cracks and holes in the walls. So this week, as I'm off work, I'll do some painting.

Tomorrow DH has an exam so we're going to Milton Keynes for that, I'll wander round the shops whilst he does his exam. I'll see if I can get a few moses basket sized blankets and sheets. I'm hoping my back doesn't play me up as I wander round, it's been really sore lately. Monday afternoon we have a midwife appointment so I'll mention it to her. I've started doing yoga again, I hadn't done any for a while but it does help. I've also been naughty and not doing my pelvic floor exercises...apparently they help too as a strong pelvic floor and ab muscles are important for holding correct posture and supporting the back.

I can't wait!!

2009-03-15T17:05:00.002Z

DH's cousin is being induced tomorrow, that is if the slow labour she's been in for the past 2 days doesn't start having more of an effect in the meantime. So I'm feeling really impatient right now...she gets to meet her baby sooo soon, I've got another 3 months to go! That said, the past six seem to have flown by so I'm hoping the next 3 will pass quickly too. I keep day dreaming about the birth now and every time I do I start crying, I'm going to be a right blubbery mess on the day!

In other news, the boiler packed up just over a week ago. Well...it still would have worked if anyone was stupid enough to turn it on...the gas valve was leaking. E.ON were bloody useless. We pay them each month to come fix it should it breakdown as we expected paying for such a service would be quicker, cheaper (on such an old boiler...i.e. more likely to have problems) and give us peace of mind (they also carry out a safety/maintenance inspection annually). But we'd been paying for six months and despite making appointment after appointment for the inspection E.ON always cancelled them last minute. Eventually we did get a fault with the boiler, had it disconnected by the National Grid because it was unsafe and then had to harrass E.ON by phone for the entire of last weekend until we finally go to see an engineer. He confirmed the problem, ordered a part but because it was a Sunday night we had to book another appointment with E.ON. Thankfully we already had one because we were booked for the safety inspection at the end of the week, so they just tweaked the details of that appointment. If it weren't for already having that appointment our boiler probably wouldn't have been fixed until April! Useless! So we're going to cancel with them the minute we get a new boiler installed...we're currently awaiting a quote for that and hope to have a new one fitted and other parts of the system upgraded in a couple weeks time.

Yesterday, we started on babys room. We've started stripping the wallpaper and now DH is clearing the room some more and will strip more wallpaper (once he can get to it!). We're not going to paint the final colour before the new boiler is installed (boiler lives in a cupboard in that room) but we can make a start (painting the ceiling, undercoat on the walls, etc). Baby will be sleeping in our room for the first 6 months anyway so there's no rush to do it but it would be nice to have it done beforehand so I can take baby in their for night time feeds.

Shopping

2009-03-01T21:11:00.004Z

We've been doing a fair bit of shopping for baby stuff this weekend. Basically, it started out with my spotting that Boots had £60 off the Loola pushchair we were thinking of getting...making it £100 cheaper than other shops and I'd also get £20 worth of Advantage card (Boots loyalty card scheme) points so meaning money off other things. Including the future saving from the points the pushchair cost is £160 (with delivery) instead of £275 that other stores are wanting for it.

However, I wasn't entirely certain about this pushchair as some reviews have said that it just doesn't seem to want to go backwards and is quite heavy. So Saturday we went to our nearest Mothercare store to see if they had one out on display that we could play with. They did and it was good...yes, I can see what people are saying about the weight...it was hard for me to lift the folded pushchair high enough to put it in a car boot (though I wasn't trying my hardest because of baby bump) however I tried with the seat unit taken off the chassis and lifting both sections separately was no problem at all. I tried pulling it backwards...seemed perfectly fine. Others said it was difficult to get up curbs...I tried and again no problem for me there.

Whilst in Mothercare we also had a play with the Creatis Fix car seat that fits onto the Loola. I can see why people say that can be a pain...it's rather egg shaped because it allows baby to lie flatter than most other car seats. This means that some cars might not have long enough seat belts to fit it! However, by buying some adaptors the Loola can also take the Cabrio Fix car seat so we figured one of the two should go in the car.

In comparison to other travel systems, it doesn't seem much heavier and certainly some we looked at in Toys R Us previously were far, far bulkier and the majority would never in a million years fit in my car. So we've ordered the Loola from Boots and it gets delivered next Saturday. I imagine when baby reaches toddler age we may get a lighter weight, no-frills, pushchair but it was important for me to be able to have baby facing me and not be forced to put them in a forward facing seat from 6 months (or even earlier) because they've outgrown a pram/pushchair combo. Plus the convenience of being able to attach the car seat directly to the chassis (not balance it on top of the pushchair like most travel systems) was a plus point. So decision made, pushchair ordered.

With that ordered we then picked up the Creatis Fix car seat from Argos today with the plan that we'd return it and try the Cabrio Fix if it was useless for our car. As it turns out, it fits just fine. The seat belts hold it nice and secure...bit fiddly but quite simple to put in. We'll probably order the Creatis Base and give that a try too as that removes the fiddly step when securing the seat but if that won't fit properly it's no problem. So car seat bought too...

Whilst out to pick up the car seat, we popped into Toys R Us to see if they had the base...they didn't, we'll have to order it online or visit Mothercare again. However, whilst in there we had a bit of an impulse buy. DHs fault really...we'd decided to skip buying a moses basket or crib and just put baby in a cot from day 1 but he saw the moses baskets in Mamas and Papas and Mothercare on Saturday (first time he's been in a baby store lol) and fell in lurve with them. He really likes them so when we saw Toys R Us has a nice one we got that too. Means we now need to get a moses basket stand (DH really likes the rocking ones...me too actually) and moses basket sized blankets now but it does look sweet and may provide us with some more peaceful nights as it's smaller a young baby would find it more secure. So a moses basket bought too!

So that's the big items pretty much taken care of! Sure we'll still need to buy a cot but we won't need to get that before baby's born. Now the main thing is to sort out the room...baby will be in our room for the first 6 months or so, but we still want to get the nursery sorted now for storing clothes, toys and just making a quiet retreat for night time feeds and nappy changes.

Well that wasn't nice

2009-02-22T10:32:00.003Z

I've been ill this week...gastroenteritis. Not nice at all, especially when you're pregnant. After a few days of not eating properly (well I tried but it wouldn't stay down), 4 days off work, a few trips to the docs, getting dehydrated and generally feeling like CRAP I am now feeling better. I'm onto day three of eating some decent food that stays down (I hope...previous two days were ok so hopefully today will be fine also) so it seems I'm on the mend. I still don't have much of an appetite though. Yesterday I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner even though I wasn't hungry but today I'm feeling like my appetite is making a slow return. I hope so...I just want my digestive system back to normal, I was so worried about how this'd affect baby but he seems to be ok...kicking away as usual and seemingly oblivious to mummy being ill.

It's a....

2009-02-11T12:33:00.005Z

Just a quick note before DH and I go out for lunch...the scan went great, baby is growing just fine and it's a boy!! I knew it!

Results

2009-02-10T09:07:00.005Z

The triple test results finally showed up in the post yesterday and baby is not at high risk of downs or spina bifida :) As I said before, this test was for information only for me. I wouldn't have had the aminocentesis if the results came back as high risk, it would have just allowed me to mentally prepare myself for the increased possibility.

With all the snow we've had lately postal services have been affected and the letter got caught up in that. However, just seeing the letter on the doormat made me smile because the hospital information book regarding the test says they phone anyone whose results come back as high risk.

I've got the first three days of this week off work, so I went to Mothercare yesterday and bought blankets and sheets for babys cot. I had a look at the pushchair we were thinking of getting too, there's no way it'd fold down small enough to get in the boot of my car. So when I got home, I took some rough measurements of boot space and compiled a spreadsheet of all the suitable from birth pushchairs that will fit it and whether they have the other features we wanted (a seat that can be either forward or rear facing and the possibility of attached the infant car seat to it). I've found three that will fit and can be forward+rear facing. Two of those come with the car seat (and one of those comes with a carry cot to make the pushchair into a pram and a car seat base too) and one doesn't but you can buy a car seat that fits it separately. I'm leaning towards one of the ones that comes with the car seat. It's £275 (or £200 if it comes back in stock in a cheaper shop) and you can buy a car seat base for around £50 to make it easier to remove from the car. So that's £325 max (maybe £250) whilst the one that comes with the base and carry cot is £500. Plus the cheaper one folds smaller and peoples comments about it say it's sturdier.

Anyway, enough of that...

Tomorrow it's the BIG ultrasound aka the anomaly scan. They'll be looking for whether babies growing ok and checking their heart, head, spine, limbs, kidneys, etc for problems...which makes me nervous, I hope they'll tell us baby's ok. They'll also ask us if we want to know the sex and will tell us if they can see! That makes me excited. I kind of view this as the last big hurdle to get through in terms of tests. We've done the blood tests (HIV, sickle cell, my general health, blood type, triple test), we've had the dating scan (checking babys heart is beating, they're forming ok and confirming due date) and this is the last big rountine test. I think I'll be able to relax some more after this. However, as it seemed such a looonnnggg time between 12 week scan and 21 week scan, it's going to feel insanely long between now and when I finally meet my baby!

Football

2009-02-05T19:34:00.002Z

Baby is kicking loads more now. I think he/she likes playing football with my bladder! I saw my belly moving the other day as baby kicked...it's kinda freaky. Sometimes all these kicks and wiggles make me giggle, other times they freak me out! It's such a strange sensation! lol.

We have our next scan on Wednesday and are hoping to find out whether we've expecting a girl or a boy. We've actually found a boys name we like now, we were struggling to find one before. I bet now we've found something we really like for a boy it'll be a girl lol. I haven't heard anything back from the triple test I had a couple weeks ago. I'm thinking that's a good thing...if I was high risk they should have phoned by now, for low risk they just stick a letter in the post.

I've bought a few more things for baby...some more clothes and a blanket, I'll have to take some pics. It's hard to clothes shop when you don't know the sex yet as most things are either pink or blue.

19 weeks

2009-01-27T20:58:00.003Z

Our next scan is in two weeks time and we're very excited...hoping to find out the sex and looking forward to seeing our baby again. Though I must admit, I'm a bit nervous at the same time...just hoping they don't find something wrong.

I had yet another blood test on Friday, still got the bruise from that on my arm :S It was the triple test, I'd had it done at 16 weeks but the phlebotomist cocked it up and put the sample in the wrong tube. So about a week later I get a phone call from a midwife and I'm thinking "oh no, they only call if it comes back high risk", but it wasn't that...she was letting me know about the mistake and saying I'd need to have it done again. So I did that on Friday but, like the first time, I was in two minds over whether or not to do the test. It's not going to change anything for us, if the result was high risk I wouldn't have the amniocentesis, there'd be no point. Firstly, we wouldn't abort a downs syndrome baby...I just couldn't do it. And whilst it may bring peace of mind and stop me worrying for the next 21 weeks, the test carries a 1% risk of miscarriage, I couldn't bear it if I was one of the unlucky ones. But still I did the triple test...I was curious to know what my risk factor is, so I could prepare myself for the possibility should I be high risk. So just waiting on the results now...

And while I'm here, bump has grown and I'm feeling the little one kicking more often now too.

I got kicked!

2009-01-11T22:05:00.004Z

I've felt small wriggly feelings in my tummy for a couple of weeks now but up until this week I wasn't entirely sure if it was baby or not. This week, baby has been wriggling around like crazy and now I know it's definitely baby. Baby was particularly active on Wednesday night just as I was drifting off to sleep. I was trying to see if I could feel the wriggles on the outside too but couldn't, though DH had a go putting his hand on my tummy and baby did a massive wriggle and he's sure he felt something.

Today, we were laying on the sofa watching TV with DH's hand on my tummy and he just suddenly says "ooh!"...he's sure he felt something again. I had a go putting my hand on my tummy a few minutes later and baby kicked me! It was different to the wriggly movements I've been feeling, it was a definite kick in the stomach and my hand felt my tummy bulge a little and go back to normal.

I'm a Time Lord!

2009-01-05T21:20:00.004Z

Had my second midwife appointment today. All the usual stuff...blood pressure, urine tested for glucose and protein, results of the initial blood tests...all were fine. Midwife also listened for the heartbeat too, it was the first time I got to hear this. I'd seen babys heart thumping away on the ultrasound scan but they didn't listen in and it was too early to be detected in my first antenatal appointment. DH didn't go to todays appointment so he's jealous that I got to hear it and he didn't. As I heard both mine and babys heart, I joked with DH that I must be a Time Lord (for the non-Whovians, the Doctor has two hearts).

My bump is starting to pop out quite a bit too...

Dare I say it

2008-12-31T11:57:00.002Z

I hope I'm not speaking too soon here...but I've been feeling a bit better recently. My appetite has been good, even when I was feeling green a few days ago but the last couple days, especially yesterday, I've been feeling less and less nauseous. I can brush my teeth, eat, get a bit hungry...all without feeling much, if any, queasiness. Good times!

I also ordered some pregnancy exercise DVDs which arrived on Monday. I did the Yoga for Pregnancy DVD yesterday (it's very good...by Buddhabellies ). I felt fantastic after that. I love yoga and glad I can continue it during pregnancy. The midwife suggested walking or swimming for exercise...I like both but it's difficult to go out walking, I work during the day and there's no way I'm going for a walk in the cold, dark evenings. When spring rolls around and it starts getting lighter I will though. As for swimming, it always makes me feel really hungry and before now hunger = nausea/puking. Now that seems to be improving it might be possible to go for a swim too.

A couple new things...

2008-12-29T21:56:00.005Z

Amongst other things, MIL gave us a gift voucher for a childrenswear store at Christmas. We were going to hang onto it a bit longer but read in the news yesterday that the chain of stores may be going into administration...i.e. they may close down and before they do they'll probably stop accepting vouchers and we'll be considered part of a long line of creditors who may or may not get money back. So yeah, we thought we should spend it whilst we can and popped into town to do so today.

The queue to pay was massive, I had to leave DH queuing whilst I parked my bum on a chair because I felt a little dizzy again. But we eventually left the store with a couple new tops...gender neutral again as we won't find out the sex until Feb 11th (and then only if baby flashes lol!).

Babys first Christmas presents...

2008-12-28T17:59:00.007Z

Bleurgh, I'm still feeling nauseous. Though it does seem to be tapering off, some days I've been perfectly fine (like Christmas Day and Boxing Day) others (like today and yesterday) I've been feeling a bit green. When I am feeling green it seems to be just like the early days of the morning sickness...i.e. only really affecting me when I'm hungry or when my super sensitive nose picks up something it doesn't like. At least it's just mildish nausea now and not projectile vomiting into the kitchen sink.

I've also been getting some of the second trimester symptoms...my lower back has decided to ache a bit now as my tummy pops out a bit more and I'm prone to dizzy/fainting spells if I'm standing up too long or get up too fast. To be honest, I'd much rather have those kinda symptoms than the nausea. I also think I feel baby moving now...I'm not sure, since this is my first and I've never felt this kinda thing before. But I feel a kind of "heaviness" in my tummy where baby should be and I'm sure I can feel it wriggling sometimes.

At Christmas, baby got a couple Christmas presents...my mum just couldn't resist some cute Winnie the Pooh clothes and my grandma has been knitting like crazy so one present was addressed to my bump and stuffed full of cute hats, booties and tops.

Definitely not doughnuts

2008-12-18T21:24:00.002Z

The ultrasound was fantastic! It was just absolutely amazing to see. They said baby measured 13 weeks so I'm a week ahead of where I thought and means the baby's due in the last week in June. Got an appointment for my 21 week scan now too, that's in February.

They also measured the nuchal fold since baby was in a good position...not every hospital here does this yet, I think it's something they're introducing so they've started doing it if they can...that was perfectly fine too. It's such a relief to see a healthy little baby in there...heart beating, growing just fine...I can stop worrying so much now!

Belly, belly!

2008-12-10T21:42:00.002Z

It's not doughnuts...honest...

We got a date!

2008-12-08T17:17:00.003Z

Yippee! The appointment letter did arrive today! Our scan is on the 18th of December, in the afternoon. I had a funny feeling it'd end up being on that day...it's the same day as my works Christmas party so looks like I'm going to miss some (or all, depending on how long I'm stuck in a waiting room) of that. I don't care though, this is far more exciting.

Don't ya just love the NHS

2008-12-07T09:45:00.003Z

So since my midwife appointment I've been waiting for an appointment letter from the hospital for my first ultrasound scan. DH and I are desperate to see our little baby, I just want to know that everything's ok. I read on a forum I visit of people in America having ultrasounds at 6-7 weeks or so to detect a heartbeat. In the UK, you get one at 12 weeks and one at 20 weeks...unless you go private.

So I've been waiting and waiting for this letter. The midwife said at my first appointment that if I didn't hear anything by the time I was 11 weeks I should give the hospital a call. I'm 10 and a half weeks now, there's only one more day it could possibly arrive in the post (Monday) before I hit 11 weeks so I tried to call the hospital yesterday. I got an answerphone. I guess no one answers the antenatal appointment phone at weekends. So I sent a message to DH's cousin...she's pregnant and about 3 months ahead of me. Turns out she never got an appointment letter. She got fed up of waiting, went into the maternity unit reception and asked them about it. There was an appointment booked for her the next week and they claimed the letter must have gotten lost in the post. She'd have had no idea if she hadn't have gone in. So I'm going in to bug them today. It's been nearly three weeks since I saw the midwife, they must have booked me in for a scan by now...I just don't know when it is cause I haven't received the letter!

So I feel a bit in limbo at the moment. I'm approaching the end of the first trimester, I should be happy that the miscarriage risk drops significantly soon and morning sickness (eugh, I'm not going to get started on that one, except to say last night was awful) should start easing up. And I am looking forward to getting past that milestone but I just feel not having had a scan is putting a dampener on my happiness...that I can't truly get excited until I can see for myself that there is a healthy little baby wriggling around in there.

1st antenatal appointment

2008-11-23T10:26:00.002Z

I spoke too soon on Tuesday, the nausea got worse with the inevitable consequences. My first antenatal appointment was on Wednesday. It went well...mainly it was filling in my pregnancy notes, giving me LOADS of info (a book and a tonne of leaflets) and a few check-ups. Weight was fine, 54kg...a couple kg less than when my doctor weighed me a few weeks earlier though I did take my shoes off this time. Detected a bit of protein in my pee sample but my blood pressure was fine and I've felt no signs of infection...so she reckons I need to drink more but sent the sample off for testing just to check it out. She booked me in for more blood tests...apparently the doctor was a little too keen in sending me for bloodwork, that's really the job of the midwife because there's some screening tests that get done at the same time. So I got jabbed in the arm again.

Over the past few days, I've been feeling better. Still nauseous when I'm hungry but I'm getting quite good at taking my mind off it which helps. I haven't thrown up in a few days and my appetite has returned.

Bleurgh

2008-11-18T19:26:00.004Z

We went round my parents house on Sunday afternoon, that was nice...got to see my grandma, aunt and cousins too. The morning wasn't too brilliant, I woke up feeling weird. Normally I wake up feeling hungry and nauseous but also with the feeling that eating something will fix that. Sunday morning I woke up feeling strangely full and not wanting any food despite also feeling sick. None the less I wandered downstairs in search of food but before I could find any I was throwing up in the kitchen sink. Great *rolls eyes*

I felt better for most of Monday though, part of me even thought that the morning sickness might have been easing off because, except for at lunch time (can't seem to stand cheese sandwiches anymore) I felt ok. Yeah, spoke to soon really...just before going to bed I was taking my multi-vitamin when hubby asked "how was your lunch?". Now the multi-vitamin makes me feel sick also, I have to take it quickly with some deep breaths beforehand. So I had the tablet in my mouth when he asked the question and it threw me, I tried to swallow it but I couldn't and spat it out in a futile attempt to not throw up. Didn't work...the kitchen sink got it again.

So far today, my boobs hurt a bit less and I've just been nauseous. Especially, couldn't stand the thought of another cheese sandwich for lunch...not after yesterday. So I bought an egg salad from the shop, scraped the cheese out my sandwich and filled it with egg and lettuce instead. That was nice. Couldn't stand dinner though, even the smell of it as DH was cooking...I ate a few measly forkfuls before giving up, I think I might be able to hand a bowl of chicken noodles though so I'll try eating those in a bit.

It's my first appointment with the midwife tomorrow, I'm both nervous and excited.

Bloody hell!

2008-11-10T20:54:00.002Z

I got a belly on me already, at 7 weeks!

...probably mostly bloating though

Well that went well

2008-11-09T20:46:00.002Z

I told my mum the news yesterday. We were going to tell her next weekend when we go round my parents house for my grandmas birthday tea but we didn't know if we'd get there before my grandma and basically have my parents to ourselves. So I told her over the phone instead and I was real nervous before. I just didn't know what her reaction would be, she always used to tell me "I don't want to be a grandma yet" when I was younger (a lot younger, that was years ago) and I guess I just had no idea whether she still viewed me as too young (I know she sometimes thinks she was...though she had two kids by the time she was my age). But she seemed excited, nervous (she said she was going to have a stiff drink at the end of the call!) and thought this'd be happening soon. I was so pleased it went well...deep down I knew it would but sometimes you just can't stop a pregnant woman worrying!

Told MIL today and she's over the moon. She immediately phoned DHs nan (her mum) and announced she was going to be a granny. Then she phoned DHs cousin, who's also pregnant, because she was asking about us the other day and when we were planning to try.

So the secrets out, at least with family.

Thar she blows!

2008-11-08T10:34:00.000Z

So last night I fell asleep on the sofa for a couple hours before we headed off to bed. As usual I'd spend most of the evening feeling nauseous but had managed to fall asleep on the sofa so was expecting to be able to just go upstairs, get ready for bed and then pass right out again. But as soon as my head hit the pillow I felt I was going to be sick, not just some nausea that doesn't amount to anything (except some burps...I've been burping alot lately), this was "if I don't move DH is going to get a shock" sick. So I went to kneel before the porcelain throne. I felt better after that for all of two minutes. Once my head hit the pillow again I felt I was going to puke again. So I had a ginger biscuit for a midnight snack, felt my tummy calm down a bit and then finally fell asleep...only to wake up this morning still feeling sick and with a headache. Blah!

I'm re-naming it

2008-11-05T23:00:00.002Z

It's not morning sickness, it's evening sickness or sometimes "whenever I get hungry" sickness and then it turns into "thinking about food/trying to eat" sickness. Blah!

Anyway, I got jabbed in the arm for some blood tests today. All went well, the nurse says I'll get the results in a week. So looking the abbreviations written on my form they're doing FBC (full blood count, so screening for anaemia), ESR (something to do with detecting inflammation), blood type, random glucose, TSH (thyriod), eGFR (kidney function), calcium/phosphorous. Then there's one abbreviation I can't work out "C/E" it's written on the same line as eGFR so I think it might be something related to that test.

On my way out, I double-checked the time of my antenatal appointment because, thanks to crazy hormones, I forgot the time about a minute after I booked the appointment last week. The receptionist said I'd need to bring a urine sample with me so I've got yet another little bottle to pee in now!

OMG

2008-11-03T20:57:00.001Z

I feel so bad

2008-11-02T13:34:00.003Z

Well I'm sleeping better now. I think since getting pregnant I've been sleeping lighter and as a result every time our noisy boiler fired up to heat the house some more it woke me up. So I now turn it off completely overnight rather than just turning the thermostat down, well it's on a timer so it'll warm up just before we wake up but it's not going to fire up during the night.

Other than that, I've had a break from the nausea over the past few days but now it's coming back with a vengeance...to the point that I have to force myself to eat because often thinking about food makes me feel queasy. Tescos, or in fact any supermarket, is my least favourite place at the moment because walking past all that food never fails to set me off. And brushing my teeth also...mint toothpaste sucks, I'm thinking of buying some fruity kids toothpaste.

Someone knows!

2008-10-29T18:39:00.002Z

It felt quite good to go to the doctors today and actually tell someone...so far it's been our little secret, now a doctor knows too oh and the receptionist. So I'm now booked in with the midwife for my first antenatal appointment, that's in 3 weeks time so I'll be 8 weeks by then. I've got a blood test booked for next week...not looking forward to that one, yacky needles ugh. Now we just need to think about when to tell our parents...we were thinking about doing it around Christmas as then I'd be 12 weeks, now we're even more excited than before and don't know if we can keep it a secret that long!

Sleep, or lack thereof.

2008-10-27T20:24:00.005Z

Well AF due date came and went with just a little cramping and the strange feeling I get each month that AF is about to start...but of course, this time it didn't. Today I booked a doctors appointment, that's on Wednesday. And last night, I couldn't sleep.

I keep waking up early lately, rolling around the bed half-awake before waking up completely. I've no idea how long between half-waking up and waking up...could be 2 minutes, could be 2 hours. Then once I do wake up completely, I struggle to get back to sleep again.

This doesn't have much effect on me when it's the weekend and I laze about on the sofa with a book or something but back at work today I was knackered. I think maybe it's excitement combined with the fact I've been trying not to sleep on my tummy. It's my favourite sleeping position but now it makes my boobs hurt and I figure I better find another one because I won't be able to sleep that way at all in a few months time.

It's so hard not to tell!

2008-10-26T18:16:00.005Z

We made the decision not to tell our families about the baby until we reached 12 weeks. But it's soooo hard not to tell. My mum phoned on Friday and asked her usual question "any news?" and the first thing that sprung to mind was me being pregnant and I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying anything. I was concentrating so much on not letting slip that I mumbled "no" and forgot to tell her about my promotion. I made to bring that up later in the phone call only to get moaned at for not telling her anything...and I'm like "well I just did!" and she moaned again "but I just asked if you had any news and you didn't say anything"...Gah! If only you knew mum, if only you knew! I think she's going to kill me when we do tell her...she'll roll out her "you don't tell me anything" rant and drive me up the wall.

Hubby has just had a similar struggle with his mum though she doesn't moan like mine does. Her question was a simple "Is Nat ok?" and again he had to bite his tongue and almost, almost blurted it out.

Then she asked him if we wanted to go out one night during this week with her, his cousins (one of whom is also pregnant) and his cousins boyfriend. We just so know the subject is going to come up and possibly questions aimed at us about when we're thinking of having kids. It's going to be even harder to keep our mouths shut when directly questioned about kids face to face.

I shouldn't have said that

2008-10-26T08:35:00.003Z

Yesterday, I mentioned how I wasn't feeling as nauseous lately. As usual I spoke to soon. Last night, as I was cleaning my teeth before going to bed, I felt so rough. I thought peppermint was supposed to help ease nausea not kick it off. So I go to bed, feeling rather green around the gills and five minutes later I'm heading off to kneel before the porcelain throne. After another five minutes of feeling rough as my body tried to bring up my dinner, I nipped downstairs and grabbed a ginger biscuit. That improved things...though I think it was mainly easing hunger rather than the ginger that helped...I was rather peckish.

Now today is the day I would have expected my period to arrive. Sure enough I do have slight cramps and a general pre-period feeling that I normally get when AF is arriving. Hopefully this amounts to nothing or at worst just a bit of spotting.

Oh wow

2008-10-25T11:01:00.005+01:00

My ticker is on the second pic already...that went quick. Hubby and I went out for dinner last night since we haven't been out to celebrate Bean yet and of course we needed to celebrate my promotion too. It was nice...I'm really craving more of the chicken pesto pasta (so much for being vegetarian...baby wants meat!) I had. Today we're going out window shopping...hubby has an urge to look at baby stuff, he says we should buy something small like an item of clothing or a cuddly toy so it seems more real. Crazy I know but even now, a week since we found out and with all the sticks I've pee'd on and the symptoms I've been having, it's still sinking in. Well I should miss my period tomorrow...as I said before, fertility friend predicted it would be last Wednesday but I thought it'd be later, i.e. tomorrow. However, I don't know how long my luteal phase normally is because this is the first cycle I've charted. So who knows when it was supposed to arrive...just as long as it doesn't then I'm a happy bunny...temps have been looking good though, nice and high with no sign of them dropping *touches wood*. Though today will be more than just window shopping, I need new bras. My current ones have just about had it and with my already increasing boobage I think I could do with going up a size.

And talking of symptoms, I know you shouldn't worry if they come and go a bit but I can't help it. I haven't been as nauseous lately as I was last weekend and earlier in the week. My boobs still hurt and I've started getting realy tired. Maybe I'm swapping some symptoms for others at the moment.

mmm ginger biscuits

2008-10-22T17:51:00.002+01:00

Well the breathlessness thing is better, felt it a little last night but other than that I was fine yesterday and so far today. Though the nausea is increasing to the point where I often feel that I am gonna puke. Ginger biscuits help but soon I think they won't be enough. Then also today I've been soooo thirsty. I've been drinking tonnes of water (with the inevitable consequences!), my hands feels dry and my hair feels like straw and keeps going frizzy. Maybe it's just the aircon at work...it was drafty today, they've probably changed the settings.

Ah ha

2008-10-20T21:00:00.002+01:00

So yesterday, I was in worry mode and I felt panicked for most of the day...really breathless and like my heart was a flutter. Some of the thoughts were first trimester anxiousness and some were just anxiousness over just how much stuff was sitting in my email inbox at work after my week off. So I passed off the physical effects as being a result of what was going on in my head and of course it was a vicious cycle...with me blaming myself for getting all worked up and then feeling worse.

However, today the breathlessness has continued even though work today went fine and I felt otherwise ok...I wasn't feeling particularly anxious at all. Strange I though...though google is my friend and a quick search when I got home led me to discover breathlessness is another pregnancy symptom...both early and later on. In early pregnancy, it's good old progesterone stimulating the respiratory part of the brain...trying to increase the amount of air I take in with each breath. Which is why, when I focused on deep breathing, I got some sweet relief. Least now I know it's not me!

Worry

2008-10-19T17:12:00.004+01:00

And so it begins...worry, worry and more worry. I've spent most of today feeling utterly terrified of miscarriage. Mostly this revolves around just how early I've found out...I keep thinking "I haven't even missed a period yet, how do I know if this is really going to last" and similar thoughts. I'm now 12DPO and the website I've been using to chart estimates my period should be due on Wednesday which means a 29 day cycle. It's basing this on the fact I ovulated on day 14 and the average luteal phase length ranges between 11 and 16 days. But I'm sat here thinking my period isn't due until Sunday, another week! Normally I can take the date of my last period, add two days and that'll be when I can expect my next one. So Wednesday seems an early estimate but a period due on Sunday 26th seems like a very long luteal phase. Everyones different I guess and as this is the first month I've ever charted I can't really say for sure what's normal for me...sure I can give a guesstimate cycle length but I've no idea how long my luteal phase is normally or when I normally ovulate...maybe that happened earlier this month.

I've no idea but either way it's playing on my mind that I've found out early, before a missed period and I'm just nervously waiting for Auntie Flows expected arrival to come and go with no sign of her. Then whilst shopping I flicked through loads of books but they just made me feel worse...they were technical stuff about the changes that happen at each stage, birth, etc and it just felt depressing and stirred up more worry to see in these books how early I was in the journey. I found the same on websites earlier...some don't have any information for what's happening at three weeks, they start giving info at four weeks when they expect you to notice you've missed a period but I haven't even got that far yet. I'm feeling nausea, sore boobs, slight cramping...early symptoms, but it seems most websites and books don't expect women to notice these early signs and others say most miscarriages occur before the women is even aware and so she just thinks it's another period. And I'm like "What if AF does show up next week?! I know! I'm aware! I'd know it wasn't just any old period". I'd be heartbroken.

Then when I'm not worrying about that I'm worrying about work tomorrow...I've had a week off so I'm expecting there will be lots to do. I guess to sum it up I'm just stressed about being stressed!

Though thankfully, DH has been the picture of reason and calm today and that's finally starting to rub off on me and calm me down now. Just praying for some peace and calm has helped as well as a few quite moments by myself...deep breathing, telling myself to take one day at a time and "Don't worry it may never happen".

Words

2008-10-18T13:18:00.004+01:00

Well DH was very much in shock yesterday, it was quite funny actually...I'm like "how many sticks do you want me to pee on...there's two lines!". I've been a bit stunned too, I can't quite believe it even though I'm the one experiencing the symptoms.

So I pee'd on another of the internet cheapies this morning and I don't think I've been more nervous in my life, I daren't look at it in case there wasn't two lines but thankfully there were. To make it really hit home we got a Clearblue digital test today...one where the test does all work for you and displays either "pregnant" or "not pregnant" on a screen along with an indication of how far along you are. Some more pee and a three minute wait later...

I believe it now.

That and morning (more like morning, noon and night) sickness has started. I almost puked in Tescos :S

Hello!

2008-10-17T20:43:00.006+01:00

Well hello there belly bean, I hope you enjoy your stay for the next nine months and grow into a healthy baby.

I got a strange urge to pee on another stick earlier. I just had this feeling. So I did. This time a second line definitely popped up...none of these "squinting at the stick 'cause you can barely see anything" lines. I think hubby is in shock, heck I'm in shock. Whilst we were both hoping, we weren't expecting to conceive so soon...this is only the first cycle we've tried.

So I keep looking at the stick, my pictures of the line and also showed others a pic on the line...it seems unmistakable (top strip, bottom one was the one I dipped in water earlier).

In addition, there's other symptoms...I'm pissing like a fountain (sorry for the tmi but seriously it's nuts! I've never pee'd so much), have cramps (feels like AF cramps but AF isn't due for another week and I've *never* had cramping before it) and my boobs...DH swears they're bigger, I don't see much difference personally but I'll take his word for it since he looks at them far more than me.

Possibly, maybe?

2008-10-17T12:07:00.003+01:00

So I got bored and as a bored, TTC woman with pee sticks in the house...I decided to test. It's early days (yesterday was 9DPO, today 10DPO of course) but the tests I have are sensitive 10miU/ml ones so I figured they might pick up something. And they did. Last night a faint line appeared near the end of the five minute wait, I tried with the first pee of this morning and again a faint line.

However, being these are internet cheapies and I've little experience with interpreting the results (before now I've done three tests...one years ago after a late period was freaking me out and two as part of a human trial for some new tests...all clearly negative) I wondered if it was all in my head...maybe I was just seeing the strip of hormones that's meant to react if positive, maybe it's an evap line.

So after two tests and some reading on the internet I've come up with "possibly pregnant, test again later"...i.e. nothing I didn't know already. Though I thought I might as well see what one of these tests look like when they're definitely negative...so I dipped one in some water. The control line came up and after the five minutes there was no hint of a second line. I couldn't see the hormone strip and no hint of an evap line...nothing, the test area was as white as snow. So maybe my faint little line wasn't my imagination, an evap or just reading too much into it.

Time will tell I guess.

I don't know why

2008-10-12T10:36:00.002+01:00

...but this one brought tears to my eyes..

Maybe I just like sticking two fingers up to cancer.

Weird...

2008-09-21T23:19:00.001+01:00

Could be...Could be...

There's a big "could be" and it feels weird but good, terrifying but wonderful.

That is all.

Finally finished

2008-09-21T23:15:00.003+01:00

The living room is finally done...carpets, paint, accessories. Only thing that's missing is some new furniture (sofa and chair are ordered...still to pick out a coffee table etc and once we've done our dining room the table will be gone and a big, red bean bag there instead)

Mad weekend

2008-08-15T23:22:00.004+01:00

Last weekend was nuts. We'd started decorating the bedroom the previous weekend and decided to have a good crack at it and got most of it done last weekend. All the wallpaper is gone, undercoating done and all we have left to do is paint one wall and second coat two others.

It's gone from this

To this (the white wall is the one that still needs painting, left it till last as it's the most fiddly!)

Painting and gardening

2008-07-06T16:13:00.006+01:00

We got the final coat done on the last living room wall and last weekend I painted the back wall of the alcoves the same chocolate brown colour as we have on the end walls. They don't really need a second coat, just touching up a few of the edges so I plan to do that this week.

Upstairs, we still haven't taken the wallpaper off in our bedroom but we have taken up the carpet in one of the other bedrooms and took that down the tip yesterday. The floorboards in there would need lots of sanding before varnishing so I don't think we'll bother. We've just put a mat in there so that covers some of it and we'll get a new carpet in the future.

We've been doing some more bits in the garden. Last weekendI weeded one of the flower beds and hubby cut a bush that was getting too high. Then this week, as it was our fourth wedding anniversary on Thursday, my mother-in-law brought round a pressie...a bird bath so we put that together and in the garden today.

Bye bye one yacky carpet...

2008-06-22T11:17:00.006+01:00

On Friday evening hubby and I painted the ceiling of our bedroom. It was a weird ceiling before we painted...almost looked like they tried and failed at a cloud effect or just couldn't be arsed to paint the texture after it'd been applied. Anyway, we didn't need any dustsheets to protect the floor from the white "rain" of paint as it splattered from the roller...nor to protect it from the occasions where we overloaded the brush or roller and a huge blob of paint fell. No...we had one big, pink dustsheet...aka the carpet.

It was a rather disgusting looking carpet...you could clearly see where there had been years of getting out of the bed and tottering off to another room...brown/grey, flattened trails worn into the major walking routes by dirty feet and shoes. Ick :S

So since moving in, I've refused to put a bare foot on that carpet...even loathe to put a foot wearing a sock on that carpet. The day we moved in we bought a couple small mats to cover the worst areas by the side of the bed.

But now it's gone. On Saturday morning we ripped it up, cut it into smaller rolls, stuffed it into the back of the car and took it to the recycling centre (though as it happens carpets go into the "waste that can not be recycled" container 'cause there's little they can do with them). We fixed the squeaky floorboards and picked up some "medium oak" colour floor varnish and applied two coats of that yesterday afternoon. So it's gone from this...

To this...

Next weekend we're pulling off that floral wallpaper (which is why you can see we didn't bother being neat whilst painting the ceiling) and getting the walls prepped and ready to paint.

Also decided we'll be ripping up all the carpets upstairs...the main rooms we use (bathroom and toilet) will then be varnished floorboards. The others we might varnish but we'll get new carpets for them eventually...I mainly just want to be rid of the carpets up there so it's cleaner and so moths can't live up there anymore.

Maybe...

2008-06-17T19:48:00.002+01:00

Maybe...just maybe, we'll paint the last coat on the last living room wall to be painted tomorrow. We keep saying "tomorrow" and when tomorrow arrives we find something far more interesting to do. But it's starting to piss me off now...we need to paint that wall before we move onto other rooms so I'm setting a deadline...we must paint it on or before Friday night. Then we can start on the bedroom this weekend.

Almost there..

2008-06-03T18:37:00.005+01:00

We're almost there with the living room. The painting is finished on three walls with the last wall prepped and just needing its two coats of colour now. We have on of our light fittings done, the other will hopefully go up tonight. I altered the new curtains at the weekend and the last of those went up yesterday. So all that's needed now is the couple coats on the last wall, coving and a new carpet (which will wait a few more weeks until we're de-bugged some more).

Decorating and de-bugging

2008-05-24T20:27:00.005+01:00

Well we moved in...and later that day, well that night really, we found we had silverfish in the kicthen/utility room. Since then we've been zapping the bastards with bug spray and sealing up their hidy-holes. The population seems to have decreased and, with the occasional exception, those I see now are either dead already or on their way.

In addition to zapping bugs we've been decorating the front room. It's insane the amount of time it's taken. We started on Wednesday and got the icky wallpaper off of one wall...it took all day just to do that. That stuff was welded on. We planned to do at least half of the other wall on Thursday though we actually did most of it because we bought a steam wallpaper stripper and that speed things up a great deal. Finished off the wallpaper stripping on Friday and finally started painting. By the end of the day we had 2.5 walls undercoated.

Today we've finished off prepping the last wall and undercoated it. Also put our final colour on one wall...we're having "beige white" on the two longest wall and "choc chip" on the shorter walls with the windows.

So this is what it looked like on Friday...

And this is what it looks like today...

Oh...hubby just found my mouse...it's weird, it's been almost a week since I used a mouse!

Keys

2008-05-19T20:46:00.006+01:00

At lunchtime today we were able to get our keys from the previous owner and go into our house :) We moved a couple of things there ourselves (mainly cleaning stuff, kitchen utensils and a few fragile items that we daren't let removal men anywhere near). Then we set to work cleaning the kitchen, fridge, cutting the grass and potting round. My mother in law came round with the carpet cleaner because whilst the carpets are hideous we'll have to live with them (or at least some of them) for a few months yet and so might as well make them cleaner.

So here I give you the living room

The kitchen

The garden

And the hall

The last of the packing...

2008-05-18T20:40:00.000+01:00

...was like pulling teeth. It just seemed to take so long to pack the rest of the kitchen stuff and do a bit of cleaning.

w00t!!!!

2008-05-16T17:25:00.001+01:00

That's it! No more work for 10 days and just 2 days until completion and 3 days until we move. Woohoo!

Removals and letting agents

2008-05-15T17:18:00.000+01:00

Well hubby phoned the letting agents today to book our checkout appointment. Apparently the first thing the guy said was "I hope my letter didn't seem too patronising" lmao...well duh! Anyway, checkout appointment is booked for next Thursday and he said that since we didn't have one of their uber-strict check-in appointments all those years ago he can't be uber-strict with the check-out. Basically, because they don't have a record of every scuff, scrape, crack, etc they can't prove that we were the cause of any of them. Cool! Because we have made a few scuffs on the walls (though we've also done our best to remove them and/or cover them with closely matched paint) some of the broken bits (like the fuse box cover and a tile behind the shower) were caused by the landlords themselves after we'd moved in. They also agreed that they'd take one set of the keys and we could give the other set to the landlords estate agents later that day. We just need to run this past the landlords to check they're ok with this too.

As well as that we got confirmation of our removal quote. It's all booked in for moving on Tuesday, just need to phone them up and pay 50% deposit and send off a signed form.

Letting agents, bah!

2008-05-14T20:00:00.000+01:00

The landlords have now involved a letting agency in our move out process... to check the condition of the flat, get the keys etc. We've dealt with this particular letting agency several times before but boy have they changed now.

We received the most patronising letter from them yesterday. It just reeked of "People who rent flats are dirty slobs who don't clean" sentiments. And stated that before we'll get our deposit back they want copies of the utility bills to confirm the suppliers which makes me think they also think tennants are untrustworthy people that they need to get paper proof of even the most simplest matter. Then of course they state that no deposit will be paid without giving them all copies of the keys, problem is the estate agency the landlords are selling through have also said they want the keys and ok'd this with our landlords. So what do we do...give the keys to the estate agent and possibly not get our deposit or give the keys to the letting agent which doesn't seem to be what the landlords want.

The letting agency also want to make a "checkout appointment" with us for them to come and check the condition of the flat. They state that we must call them two weeks before we move so they can find a slot in the diary. Sorry guys but we're moving out on Tuesday. So either you get your arses in gear and make an appointment on Wednesday or you, the estate agents and the landlords will have a needless wait for the keys.

Eugh...some people.

Tetris

2008-05-13T20:10:00.004+01:00

Yesterday we continued with Tetris...which is what packing is now called since my husband remarked that fitting items into boxes was rather like the game.

It's amazing...you just don't realise how much stuff you've got until you start trying to pack it all into boxes. The removers came today to give us a proper quote, I wasn't around for most of it (stuck in traffic) but I don't think they did a double take at the amount of stuff two people in a one bedroomed flat have aquired. Though that said, our boxes are small to medium in size and we're trying not to make them too heavy (since some poor sod has to carry them down four flights of stairs) so that explains some of the amount.

We've started informing companies of the move and should now be all paid up with the solicitors. So it's just a matter of waiting now and the countdown can begin...7 days till moving day.

Tonight...might be nice to have a break from packing tonight, the living room has rather more boxes now than my last photo...we've been busy...

I has houz

2008-05-09T17:52:00.001+01:00

We have exchanged! It's definately ours and we're moving in just over a week!

25 boxes and counting

2008-05-08T21:43:00.000+01:00

So more packing tonight and we're now up to 25 boxes.

Things are starting to look rather bare in the living room...

And the bedroom is beginning to resemble a warehouse...

I'm blogging this!...

2008-05-08T21:14:00.001+01:00

...was my reply to hubby when he looked up at me as he taped a box with a look of "she's gone crazy" on his face.

He thinks I need one of these...

I said I could make one...except we've just packed the T-shirt transfer paper :S

I suppose I better get back to packing clothes now...we all know men can't fold clothes.

Almost there...

2008-05-08T18:00:00.000+01:00

We're now on the verge of exchanging contracts. Yippee! Hopefully by the end of tomorrow we should have a moving date :D

The story so far...

2008-05-07T22:12:00.001+01:00

So, I thought it'd be fun to blog about our house move. Hubby and I thought it'd be nice to record the process of turning our first house into a home by making a photo album...I thought we might as well write about it too. The running blog will still be going but as it's in danger of consisting of little more than "I ran this much and now this bit hurts" it's time for something different.

So the story so far is that we're currently waiting on the edge of our seats for the contracts and deeds to come through in the post. Today actually marks 2 months since this whole process started...it doesn't normally take this long but our purchase has been drawn out by the actions of banks during the "credit crunch". To cut a long story short, they've been pulling mortgage products off the market left, right and centre lately. As soon as a deal starts becoming popular *bam* it's gone. I guess they don't want to put all their eggs in one basket. So that's what happened to the mortgage we'd set our sights on...gone. Thing is we'd applied for it 3-4 weeks before they pulled it. We weren't happy and neither was our mortgage broker. After a week of him fighting our side we finally got word that they'd agreed to give us the mortgage product we wanted and we finally got our offer...

...except they wouldn't trust the valuation survey carried out by the estate agents and insisted on doing their own. Another week or so later, we get our offer in writing. Woohoo!

So once we'd received that, we felt brave enough to phone our landlords. We've been in our flat for over 5 years and the prospect of change seems both good and yet scary at the same time. Phoning the landlords and telling them we were leaving just made it seem all the more real. So we phoned them only to find that they'd decided to sell the flat and had just sent us out a letter asking us if we wanted to buy it. So seems to be case of good timing for us and them.

It's sinking in properly now...it had before but since it's taken so long and we're not in yet, well it started to feel like it wasn't ever going to happen. I'm both excited and nervous about it. We started packing several weeks ago...it just seemed too depressing looking round the flat, seeing so much stuff to pack and not doing any of it. So we got started. We're up to 20 boxes now, most are piled up in the bedroom but we've started a pile in the living room now.