The reality of motherhood

I went to my postnatal group yesterday, we're a small group of mums who went to NCT antenatal classes together...the NCT in the area team antenatal classes with postnatal groups.

Yesterday one of the things we were talking about was the reality of motherhood...how real life differs from expectations, imaginations and the media portrayal. Certainly media portrayal does colour peoples expectations and so do other mothers to some extent...you know, the ones who appear to be superwoman when you see them but are really just good at hiding the reality.

So how does the media portray motherhood? Usually as peaceful, pastel scenes of mum in size 8 jeans snuggling baby on the bed or some variation of that theme. In the media, the baby never cries, never spits up, never drools, never farts...and mum never has stretch marks, a "mummy tummy" or bags under her eyes...certainly mum is never wandering round the house still in her pyjamas at 4pm with a crying baby, unwashed hair and no makeup.

But that's the reality...at least at first and then you slowly work out a way to get your hair washed and your teeth brushed whilst still making sure baby is fed when they're hungry, comforted when they're crying and changed when they're wet/dirty. Though everyone has their off days and that includes babies and mothers so whilst slogging round the house is more common in the early weeks you still get days like that months down the line.

Then of course there's the soap operas on TV, where one minute you see mum putting baby in the buggy and next moment she's out the door. In soap opera land that's easy, in reality it's easier said than done. Because first you need to get yourself presentable to leave the house...that goes back to the difficulties in getting showered/teeth brushed/clothes on. Simultaneously you need to get baby ready to leave the house...fed, clean nappy, dressed, check the changing bag is fully stocked, get the pushchair up and finally get the baby in it. Hopefully, you'll be lucky and baby won't spit up over their clean clothes or do a poop just as you're about to get out the door. It's a far cry from the shoes-on-grab-wallet/keys-and-go scenario that you're so used to from before baby but the media seem to portray it as equally easy as that.

In addition we also talked about loosing yourself when you become a mother and that you need to mourn that loss. Personally, I don't feel I've lost who I was before the birth of my son but I have become someone else on top of that. There's the "old me" from back then and now there's still the "old me" but in addition there's another layer on top. What I have lost, rather than myself, is my lifestyle. In a way, that started with pregnancy...I could no longer eat what I wanted or drink what I wanted. Now, I can eat what I want, drink what I want (within reason, I still can't get completely drunk) but I can't go where I want or do what I want, when I want. There's a whole other person to think about when going anywhere or which stops you doing things when you're at home (case in point, it's taken me two hours to write these few paragraphs in between feeding baby, comforting baby and feeding myself...ooh and judging by the smell coming from the baby on my lap I'm now off to change a nappy).

Now don't get me wrong in all this. Whilst I may be ranting this is still the most fulfilling thing I've ever, ever done. It's amazing to see my son growing, the new things he's learning...he was worth the labour pain and the stretchmarks, the saggy belly, the sleep deprivation...everything, he's worth it. It just bugs me how it's shown on TV and considering how it's shown it doesn't suprise me how some women can find themselves shocked by how hard it is or feeling useless because life for them looks nothing like how it is on TV.