Bonding

I always wondered whether I'd be one of those women that'd immediately fall in love with their baby or if I'd be one that needed a little time. Turns out I'm both. When bub was born there was an immediate rush and "high". Getting through labour left me feeling like superwoman and I felt an immediate love for my little boy. I've found it was a rather superficial bond though.

When everything takes it's toll...tiredness from night feeds, feelings of inadequacy when I'm unable to soothe my crying baby, feelings of frustration when my efforts to lull him to sleep are in vain, "baby blues" and the draining effect of what seems like endless visitors...I started to fear I was sinking into postnatal depression because at times I've felt so very distant from baby, as if I've no bond with him at all. However at other times, I've felt so in tune with baby...so in sync and able to read him and meet his needs. And I've begun to realise that flitting between both ends of this spectrum are totally normal. What I have is a whole new human being who has turned life as I knew it upside down. It's something that nothing can ever prepare you for. I'm in the process of not only adapting to my new life but also getting to know a brand new person who has limited ways of communicating with me. But I feelt like I am getting to know this person. We have our off days but slowly I find myself tuning in to him, slowly I find that superficial bond deepening, slowly I find myself feeling like I really am a mother to my son and not just some woman that popped him out three weeks ago.